Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
