I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
