Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
