he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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