Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
