I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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