dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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