My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
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