dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
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We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
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I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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