He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Is it because I queefed?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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