I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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