so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
