if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
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