I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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