Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
