You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
