Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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