Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
