Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
