Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
