Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
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