What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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