Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
