I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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