how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my phone needs a breathalizer
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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