kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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