yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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