As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
