Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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