Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
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Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
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Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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