I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
