Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
