The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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