fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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