My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
