Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Randomize
