Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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