i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
And then my night got REAL pukey
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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