Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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