No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
