Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
