I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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