Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
