No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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