everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
