I'm so fucking centered right now
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
