dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
