It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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