someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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