Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
