she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
