Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
