Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
