We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Let's get the cat blown out
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
