i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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