According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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