I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
