So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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