I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
