i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize