i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
