I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
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Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
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He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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