I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
