if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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