my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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