i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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