I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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