I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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