sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish my penis had a tongue
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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